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Dec. 10th, 2001 01:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kuangningAssumptions...
Hanging on to a memory of hurt because you're too afraid to find out whether things have changed. Never letting go of the hypervigilance, too busy being wary to notice that no-one's wielding the knife any longer. Too obsessed with the memory of things lost, to see what could be.
Abraham, are we sometimes bound by pride?
Too mindful of our hopes and dreams, to let the anger slide?
... What of the future, Abraham?
Will we achieve some peace?
From these solitudes we wander in,
Will there be some release?
-- James Keelaghan, Abraham
I'm tired of guarding against blows that haven't fallen yet... aren't you? I'm sick of wondering, and I think maybe you feel the same way. I'm thinking back beyond pain to a time that wasn't bad, even if it wasn't entirely right, and remembering what used to be, before there was this. I don't want to go back in time, I needed the lessons I learned, and that will never happen again, but I'm ready to go on now. Take a chance, and walk with me again awhile?
Hanging on to a memory of hurt because you're too afraid to find out whether things have changed. Never letting go of the hypervigilance, too busy being wary to notice that no-one's wielding the knife any longer. Too obsessed with the memory of things lost, to see what could be.
Abraham, are we sometimes bound by pride?
Too mindful of our hopes and dreams, to let the anger slide?
... What of the future, Abraham?
Will we achieve some peace?
From these solitudes we wander in,
Will there be some release?
-- James Keelaghan, Abraham
I'm tired of guarding against blows that haven't fallen yet... aren't you? I'm sick of wondering, and I think maybe you feel the same way. I'm thinking back beyond pain to a time that wasn't bad, even if it wasn't entirely right, and remembering what used to be, before there was this. I don't want to go back in time, I needed the lessons I learned, and that will never happen again, but I'm ready to go on now. Take a chance, and walk with me again awhile?
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no subject
Date: 2001-12-10 02:37 pm (UTC)I don't want to go back in time, I needed the lessons I learned, and that will never happen again, but I'm ready to go on now. Take a chance, and walk with me again awhile?
These have been put well, worded with simple words for a greater and complex truth.
Though I try not to let the memory of things lost, corrupt my vision of now; I still occasionally feel trapped by internal mechinisms, that in the past kept me safe. Now, however they do nothing but cloud people's actions and voices. Coloring it with the past to blind the truth of the present.
I would like to think that more often than not I see the truth rather than the colorings of the past, but you never know for sure, do you? You may think you see it clearly, and you will through the filters set up from the past.
That is why I have to trust those around me, who have proven themselves time and time again. In small ways and in major heart wrenching ways, they are not here for the easy ride, and give as much if not more than I give them. Do you have anyone you trust that much? To see the selfish child in you, to see you at your weekest and not strike, and to see you at your strongest and not run?
It took a long time to learn not to invest overly in others, and too little in myself. When was the last time you did something for you, only for you and didn't feel guilty about it afterwards?