(no subject)

[kuangning]

Drifting.

Falling floating acquiescent, waiting for something that exerts a pull. Hands in pockets, head down, shuffling, picking over stones just because, and not bothering to keep the ones that sparkle.

I remember what it was to create. My hands recall putting together things I hoped would last, pounding out words that seemed to bypass my head and flow straight from some hidden corner where someone hid who was me, and not me.

Justify your existence.
I create.

I used to believe I would cease to exist on the day I ceased to create. In a way, I have. With the future of my most personal and human accomplishment still undecided, I ceased to create at all. I've written nothing of my own worth penning, these months. I've not found a single fractal worth rendering. And I don't recognise myself in this dull, listless woman wearing my face and thinking with my voice.

I wonder if I still have the willpower to find my way back.

Comments

[trippykel.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it's a struggle. But I've found that creativity comes and goes at the strangest time. I don't fight it any more, just.. wait. Yes, I could be more proactive, but.. I like it when random fancies strike me. And it hardly ever happens when I'm listless or worn. I don't think I'm helping at all. *shrugs* I know how you feel. I haven't picked up my guitar/sketchbook/paints/pen in a few months, and I miss it. But I can't just make it happen..

[powerpynt.livejournal.com]

You do...and you will. A burning light cannot be extinguished, only subdued for a time.

[mayamaia.livejournal.com]

It ain't willpower. At least not from my experience. It's inspiration, and that may come from a happy creativity. I believe you will return to creation, soon.

[fifthconundrum.livejournal.com]

Hibernating and ceasing to exist are two entirely different things.

I think the part of you which thrives on creativity is hibernating. She recognizes that during this season, there are other things which you must, must apply your energy towards. She understands that if you were to funnel all of your energy into her, those other important things would explode around you, and ultimately destroy her. So she waits until the crisis has passed, and once it has, she will awaken again. She did, before, remember?