Cairsten doesn't do ghost stories.

[kuangning]

There are reasons for this.

First off, I get nightmares. Like any little kid, pulling the covers over my head and imagining sounds in the silence and seeing movements in the shadows. I wake up, not screaming, but petrified. Not pleasant, but an occasional nightmare would not be so much.

No, what really gets me is this strange little belief I can't shake that what I believe, what I think about and give over my energy to, I create or at least attract into my life. I've seen things I can't explain away. Ask me if I believe in them, have a little chat with me like rustedlemon has, and you'll probably come away with chills like she did, because I know evil exists: I've encountered it. Evil that makes human evil pale, it can't compare, because we never do more than tap into the bare edges of it. I've felt it. I believe in it as strongly as I believe in life and light and love, because I've felt them, too.

Now, if I bring into my life what I give over my mental and spiritual energies to, why would I want to spend much time deliberating on tales of ghosts and haunts and evil things that won't lie quiet? I can't say that, despite the adrenaline rush and the heightened awareness that comes with it, experiencing evil was anywhere near pleasant. I don't want to repeat it. So I lie quietly and think of good things, and hope for an ordinary life -- hope it overlooks me, except at the times when I hope it can't help but notice me because I'm burning brightly. I haven't reconciled those two yet.

I don't do ghost stories if I'm not sitting in the light, with good company, a long time before sleeping. Hell, at least part of why I'm nocturnal is because I like sleeping in daylight. Night's for creating, night's for wide-awake dreaming, being in control -- somebody ought to be. Night's a vulnerable time, when people let down their guard and trust that they'll open their eyes again in daylight. I figure I'd rather meet whatever walks in the darkness with my eyes wide open and my mind under my own control. As much as mine ever is, anyway. ;)

Comments

[earlylight.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you experiencee things like I do.

I've had to tune down my ability to "see" many times over the years because I get so terrified of what's out there.

[kuangning]

Mm. I have a feeling that I could see and experience much more than I do, if I wanted to. That's a big if, though. I've had people around me with whom I felt like I could face anything, and when I did, that's when things started happening -- but without them, I keep those doors pretty firmly shut. I'll talk about at least one of those one of these days, I think.

[rustedlemon.livejournal.com]

I'd be interested in hearing it.
I think my skin is already crawling though...

*shivers*

Re:

[kuangning]

Mm. I think you've already heard as much from me as you need to, though. I did have bad dreams that day... even though I was asleep during the daytime. So maybe I've told you as much as I need to as well. We'll see.

[thebahboo.livejournal.com]

Well, I am sure that Ella will understand that you do not want to read her stories. Horror fiction is not for everyone, and I explained in my own journal why I love it and embrace it.

One thing I want to make certain you know is that I do NOT think you are crazy. Some people definately have the ability you speak of. And if can call into being the things you focus on, then I, for one, would not want you to read the fictional writings of the System.

We do sometimes write things are not in that line, and I will send you something sometime that I think you will find touching.

Hugs, Bahboo

Re:

[kuangning]

Eep. I didn't mean Ella at all, though I'm glad she'll understand. I was referring to Ben's post on the Hotel California and some stuff I came across and didn't like when I was researching it, plus some stuff that had come up and stayed in the back of my mind this last week or so. *hugs.*

[thebahboo.livejournal.com]

Sokay, Ella says you are a righteous babe. Ok, she said it in a highly proper, english, snooty fashion, but she loves you, even if you don't like ghosts.LOL

Bahboo

Re:

[kuangning]

*blushes.* thank her for me. :)

[http://users.livejournal.com/killjoy_/]

Hm. This is interesting. You just managed to describe something completely outside my experience... I don't understand but... it's an insight, I guess? Bad at explaining these things I am.

Re:

[kuangning]

*nods.* I understand. And I envy you.

Re:

[http://users.livejournal.com/killjoy_/]

Hm. Perhaps I envy you... I would rather be able to see so I could know. Or at least that's what I think. I just hate the idea that there's things out there that I can't prove or disprove. Give me one or the other, no matter how unpleasant.

... or something. Maybe I'd think differently if things were otherwise. Probably, in fact.

[mayamaia.livejournal.com]

I'll have to disagree with you on some points.

First of all, not all ghost stories are about evil things that ought to be sleeping and instead are walking about. A number of very beautiful ones are about freeing good things that have been trapped for centuries, so that they may once again make the world a bright place, or about good things and people going home. There's a story called The Boggart like this.

Second, certain ghost stories are just plain fun. When I was in fifth grade, I used to sit with a huge group of kindergardeners and first graders and tell them ghost stories while they all squealed with delight and laughed. If anything, that group stilled my fears of ghosts...I had been scared of a few ghost stories my brother had told me, but after telling these stories with a group of kids who instinctively knew the creatures couldn't harm them, I knew I, too, was safe.

Third, yes, evil is there. But I believe there are myriad ways to protect oneself from hatreds and fears from today and long ago...and whenever I feel afraid of the dark (I still do, once in a while), I just remember that I am loved and cared for and feel like I'm surrounded by angels. And then I know I have nothing to fear.

[kuangning]

I had a feeling someone was going to say that. I didn't know it would be you, but I'm pleased. :) Yes, those are different and don't bother me. But it seems that the vast majority of ghost stories, the ones people cache and retell, are of the other variety. And I don't have any such instinctive knowledge that I can't be harmed by them -- it's just the opposite. I know that I can be harmed by it. I can attract it to my life and have it harm me directly, or, more likely, I can allow myself to fixate upon it so much that I can't find my way back to the bright things; I can be tainted by it and warped beyond reclamation. I am surrounded by angels, yes, but they can't protect me from what I draw into myself willingly.

[mayamaia.livejournal.com]

Hmm, how to say this: yes I understand about drawing frightening things to me. My brother's ghost stories had one stuck with me for a long time in a tenuous way; I could see it's eyes in the sky, perhaps you understand.

What I was saying in the second thing, though was that those children pulled it away, made it harmless. Innocence has real power, and it was that group of five and six year olds that made me safe. I wasn't before, but their laughter broke the thing that frightened me.

I guess that's why I love children so much and wish to always remain childlike. Childishness is foolishness, but to be childlike is to have a kind of connection to the most powerful good in the world. I understand what you mean by evil; but I believe also that it can be broken, by children's laughter on a dark, rainy afternoon.