(no subject)
Jun. 21st, 2002 03:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kuangningI don't want to be soothed. I don't want to be lulled. I don't want the edges taken off. Not off my pain, not off my joy, not off my certainties or my doubts. I want, and I want it all.
Don't filter it for me. Don't sweeten it, don't add the grain of salt that masks the mental taste of you. Don't take away the words that would cut, nor the ones that would throw me into that space where my world ceases to be what I thought it was. Don't bite back the ones that would make me crave, the ones you think will make me lonely. Don't shield me. Don't offer me courtesies, when what I need is the reassurance that you're real. That even in this space filled with illusions, this no-man's-land where dreams masquerade as bedrock truth, there's still bedrock truth. I'm drowning in uncertainties. I'm burning with questions, with the need to shut out the maybes and turn my back on proscribed safety and if the rocks cut my feet then at least I'll have had the chance to run on the sand as well.
... and still, I'm hiding too. Ingrained caution, deep-rooted habit. I can say here what I dare not say there.
Wasted words? Not with your help. Tell me - what's your bedrock truth? What do you cling to at 3 AM, when you wake from the dream you hope will let go? Tell me what truth tastes like to you. Show me the shape and colour of the foundations of your world... and help me redefine some small portion of mine.
Don't filter it for me. Don't sweeten it, don't add the grain of salt that masks the mental taste of you. Don't take away the words that would cut, nor the ones that would throw me into that space where my world ceases to be what I thought it was. Don't bite back the ones that would make me crave, the ones you think will make me lonely. Don't shield me. Don't offer me courtesies, when what I need is the reassurance that you're real. That even in this space filled with illusions, this no-man's-land where dreams masquerade as bedrock truth, there's still bedrock truth. I'm drowning in uncertainties. I'm burning with questions, with the need to shut out the maybes and turn my back on proscribed safety and if the rocks cut my feet then at least I'll have had the chance to run on the sand as well.
... and still, I'm hiding too. Ingrained caution, deep-rooted habit. I can say here what I dare not say there.
Wasted words? Not with your help. Tell me - what's your bedrock truth? What do you cling to at 3 AM, when you wake from the dream you hope will let go? Tell me what truth tastes like to you. Show me the shape and colour of the foundations of your world... and help me redefine some small portion of mine.
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no subject
Date: 2002-06-21 07:26 am (UTC)That I have survived worse.
That no matter how I am feeling or what I do, the sun will reliably come up in the morning.
That it's the same moon shining all over the world.
My ability to feel deeply is a sure sign that I am alive. My ability to think is a testament to my intelligence. Yet, despite that...I don't have to solve anything tonight. It's OK to just sit with whatever is happening, because it too shall pass.
These have all helped me during especially dark nights.
no subject
Date: 2002-06-21 03:05 pm (UTC)What else? No regrets. :)