too much introspection.

[kuangning]

... brought on by wiredferret and the lyrics that have been playing into my ears and through my mind for hours.

o/~ When you gonna make up your mind? When you gonna love you as much as I do? o/~

Wired says;
"I should say, "I love you" more.
Of course, it isn't that simple. Things never are. In many cases, 'I love you' is the catalyst for a long discussion and evaluation and furthermore, and this is much worse, it makes people feel compelled to say it back to you. It's like action/reaction, it's that strong. And I don't want people saying it to me unless they mean it in the way that they use love.
Because I am afraid, I wait to say it until I know how it will be received. Usually before then, it'll pop out of my mouth on some random occasion, because, of course, I have been thinking it all along."

That's so true. But there's so much more. There's also when I don't say it because it doesn't say enough; it doesn't say what I mean or enough of what I mean by it. It covers over too much, it's too strong to apply to something that needs working through. Because I'm afraid of saying it and not having it change things, I'm afraid to use what should be an emotional sledgehammer and find that the weight of it has disappeared.

Which makes it contradictory that sometimes I use it as an escape from looking further into something. Easier to say, "I love you," and have it smooth things over, than to find the words to probe and cleanse a wound. Lazy to say, "I love you," when what I mean is, "I'm tired of thinking about what's on my mind right now, and I'd like to be comforted so I can forget."

So many meanings for one small phrase. Too many meanings... how do we ever understand each other? And yet, we're convinced that we do; we think that when we hear those words that they mean just what we'd mean by them. Even though we have so many meanings for them ourselves that we never stop to catalogue.



* I feel good when I'm with you.
* You have a special place in my life.
* I miss you when you're gone.
* I feel that we're much alike; we understand each other and support each other.
* I've let you get closer to me than most.
* You have more power to hurt me than most.
* What you say and feel and do affects me strongly.
* I want you to be well and happy.
* I can't be entirely happy myself if you're not.
* I want to be part of your being well and happy.
* I hope that I'm as important to you as you are to me.
* I like the person I am when I'm with you.
* I treasure the person that I see in you.
* I feel comfortable and happy in your company.
* You excite me and surprise me with the things I'm discovering in you.
* I want to know and be known by you.
* Your opinion of me, and how you feel about me, matter greatly to me.
* I'm proud and happy to have you be a part of my life.
* I find you beautiful inside.
* I want you to continue to be a part of my life.
* I don't want to lose you.
* I don't want to hurt you.
* I'll never cause you pain deliberately.
* I feel we belong together, and I enjoy that.
* I'll never forget you.
* You've made a strong, positive impact on me.
* I want to be close to you.

Comments

[zorbathut.livejournal.com]

I generally mean all of those, actually. :P

*snuggles*

[kuangning]

That surprises me not at all.