I can't *not* respond.

[kuangning]

pjammer asked what we'd say to ourselves, if we could write a letter that could reach us ten years ago. How could I pass that up?


Dear C...

Not even sure what to call you. You haven't picked your name yet, like you haven't picked your path yet. You only know you want out of the path that they've picked for you. This is your seventeenth year; high school's just behind you and college isn't going to be what you thought or dreamed of. In fact, I know that not much of anything is. Welcome to the future, babe.

I thought about giving you warnings - do this, don't do this, stay away from this or that at all costs. Watch your back, don't trust, don't close your eyes! But you're going to spend - I'm going to spend - far too much time in uncertainty and paranoia anyway. I thought about giving you tips, pointing you to things that'd give you the money you're always short of, the lifestyle you see everyone else around you living, the means to do the things you're dreaming of. Like flying. But that seems so irrelevant from where I'm sitting. And I know you'll always make it.

And so that's what I'm going to tell you first. If I could tell you what I know you most need to hear, it's going to be that. You'll always make it. Look what you've come through already. Look what you've survived. There's going to be more like that. But you're going to survive it. All of it. You're the strongest sixteen-year-old I've ever known. And the biggest flaws you've got spring straight out of two things: you don't like yourself, and you don't trust yourself. You're steering by reaction, a lot of times. Doing something because the alternatives feel wrong, not because what you're choosing feels right. And when it starts feeling right, you shut the door on it and lock it down. You're stubborn like that.

As for the rest? I'm going to be the second person ever to tell you I love you and I'm proud of you. You did the best you knew how, and even though that best isn't perfect, you never let me down. You could have been evil. You could have turned to drugs, to prostitution, you could have given up or given in and let them do whatever they liked with you. You didn't do any of that. It gets better, eventually. But it only gets better because you endure. Thanks for hanging on.

Love, Me.

Comments

[kuangning]

It is much belated and I'm sorry, but thank you for your words. I wasn't able to say it then, but they mattered a lot to me, then and now. *hugs.*