(no subject)

[kuangning]

Things I actively don't want to chronicle, but should...

Yesterday, another man (there was one a few months ago, but I was not at work that day) decided to jump from the fourth story of the parking deck across the street. We knew him slightly -- he was homeless, a regular visitor to the hotel, and one of the better ones because he didn't panhandle and kept himself neat and well-groomed. The rest of the staff is wondering "how could he do that?" Me, I've said nothing, because I know exactly how.

I remember waking every morning with nowhere to be and nothing to do except only what I could force myself to do. I remember thefts and slights and learning to not see further than arm's length from me while I was indoors because that was the only privacy there was. I remember being glad to get out-of-doors and still feeling out of step once I got there. Invisible. I remember being sterner about my appearance because I couldn't allow myself to look "homeless." I saw his face tighten once or twice when Robbie had to ask him to move along, when someone, guessing from his idleness that he wasn't a guest, offered him change... I rather imagine he was tired of being homeless and struggling to not look "homeless," too. And when they say, too often and too loudly, "I could never..." I don't believe them. The option starts to look good, after awhile. Perhaps more so when it's never very far away to begin with. I crossed a river and gazed down at the water. He went to the top of the deck and stared at the cement. I kept walking. He did not.

And that's all the difference there is.

Comments

[kenhighcountry.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Cairsten, for writing this.
Sometimes we are all just that one step away. Thank you for showing us the human face which haunts us all.

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

Thank you. *hugs*

[fifthconundrum.livejournal.com]

I have never experienced the homelessness, but I have (even very recently) experienced the despair for most of my life.

For some reason your post reminds me of this quote:

Though I am different from you, we were born involved in one another.
~~Tau Ch'ien~~

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

Thank you for writing this.

[aki-dreaming.livejournal.com]

I crossed a river and gazed down at the water. He went to the top of the deck and stared at the cement. I kept walking. He did not.

And that's all the difference there is.

Truer words were never spoken.
Wow.
Thank you.

[serendipity.livejournal.com]

Yes. Thank you.

So often I see drivers or bicyclists or even other pedestrians annoyed by someone who may be walking slowly, for whatever reason (maybe disabled, elderly, depressed, whatever). Impatience rules way over compassion, every day, all the time. We could certainly all benefit from a more understanding perspective.

[rbos.livejournal.com]

As someone who's so far kept walking, yes, I empathize.

[iamkatia.livejournal.com]

This moved me deeply, Cairsten, thank you for writing it.

[thistimearound.livejournal.com]

All too often, compassion comes only with a conscience. Thank you for sharing yours that we might once again find our own.

[dormouse-in-tea.livejournal.com]

Yup, that would be the difference.

Sometimes I get awfully tired of walking. Right now, whenever the urge comes up, the only thing that really keeps me going is how devestated my parents would be. I have got to find a motivating force for my life! :P

So if one turns up in the hotel lost and found, and isn't claimed after a reasonable length of time, let me know? *grin*

[mayamaia.livejournal.com]

Hugs for you, sis. You were a wonderful help when I was feeling lost and alone last year - you continue to be precious to me. From your own experience with hurt, you have become a well of care and hope, my dear. I now ask you remember some of your own words about whispers of love on the wind. Know that the wind now bears my prayers and caring for you.

[tanesmuti.livejournal.com]

sadly, it most often takes being there or knowing someone who has and is willing to share before people can even begin to stop and consider such things. people just don't realize the potential lost for lack of a hand up or a kind word. not everyone on the street is there because of a drug habit or psychosis or laziness. thank you for being the one who's willing to share, the world is a better place because of you.

on a side note, as much as some people are inclined to hate big corporations like starbucks, whatever their reason, i'll always respect the one here in oak harbor. for the simple fact that they allow the one homeless person i know of in town to come in and sit, eat, drink, use the restroom and just stay warm. any day, all day, and treat him just like any other person. (he's actually a really nice guy and quite a few of the regulars are known to sit with him and talk for hours on end. but that's what is special about this town, the people. they're genuinely human.