She was alone.
Her cries met with no response, and eventually She ceased to cry, and fell asleep, hiccuping with sobs. After a little while, She dreamed.
She woke to find that She was home, being held, and rocked, and soothed. Her mother smiled, and spoke to Her gently, and set Her down to play. As She played, the things that She imagined or remembered or half-remembered came into being around Her, and remained until She forgot about them, to be summoned up again when She brought them to mind. She grew, in the way of children, using the ability without understanding it. For awhile, it was enough for Her to know that if She imagined something new, it would appear, and if She wished something gone, She had only to imagine it so. She imagined playmates for Herself, like the children She had seen before things changed, and noted incuriously that they could not do what She did. After the first couple of times She pointed out the difference, She learned that it was better to not mention it. The only time She introduced the idea that She was responsible for Her friends being there, She got Her eye blacked and, incidentally, found out where Her friends thought babies came from. She grew, and learned, and when at last She began to ask questions Her mother could not answer, (the thought never once crossed Her mind that perhaps no-one existed who had the answers She was seeking,) They came to Her.
Ailyn came first, a gentle mindtouch that woke Her in the night. She came awake instantly, fighting back the panic that would always be Her first reaction. Staring into the darkness, She spoke aloud. "Who are you?" [I am Ailyn,] came the response. [I am as you are, in my space.] She almost choked. "I'm not alone?" The response was amused, faintly condescending. [Of course you are not.] She sighed deeply, immensely relieved, and after a brief silence, She began to ask the questions which had been on Her mind so much. Ailyn answered, and when there began to be questions She could not answer, Thoval came, and Riordan, and Bei, and Gaylen... and the questioning continued.
"What am I?" This She asked again and again, and none of Them failed to answer, but They responded with the evasions adults practise on children, and She knew that there had to be more, and that there was an answer They simply did not want to give. "Have there always been creatures such as us?" She asked that of Gaylen one morning after Their presence in Her mind had become an accustomed and ever-present reality. It chuckled. [For as long as there has been a reality.] "How long has that been?" She asked, Her curiosity piqued by the turn of phrase. Gaylen paused before answering, and when It responded again, even its low, grainy voice seemed throatier than was Gaylen's wont. [Can you imagine the dawn of time, child?] "I.. think so," came Her hesitant response. "I remember the darkness, when everything went away. Is it like that?" [Something like that,] came the reply. [Can you remember how long the darkness went on?] "Forever," She replied flatly. [That was a blink of an eye to us, and it will seem a blink of an eye to you, eventually. We have always been.] "But you won't exist forever?" [We will, unless something unprecedented happens, as with the One before you.] She was startled; this was the first time one of Them had mentioned Her predecessor freely. She pressed Her luck, testing. "Gaylen?" [Yes, child?] "Tell me about Him. What was He like?" Gaylen sighed. [He was old, older than any of us. We did not know Him well; He kept to Himself.] It was obvious that Gaylen did not feel comfortable discussing it, and so She allowed It to change the subject, chattering for awhile about the antics of one of Her playmates while Gaylen indulged Her.
But She did not forget, and on another day, She asked Riordan, "why can't you actually be here?" He snorted impolitely, and appeared at Her side for a second. [Do not confuse disinclination with inability,] He said quietly in Her mind. "Could I come to you, then?" She was intrigued. [You can. But We generally do not do so. If you become a part of the Council, you will find that you will not truly wish to leave your own space as often, either.] "Council?" [Yes, Council. Do not worry about that yet; you will find out soon enough.] He spoke determinedly, and She raised an eyebrow, but dropped the subject.
"Bei?" [Yes, child.] "What do you look like?" [I do not.] "What?" [I do not "look like" anything or anyone.] "How is that possible?" It was Ailyn who answered then. [None of Us actually have bodies or form as you know them, child. Not even you, though it seems to be comfortable for you to maintain that form, as it was comfortable for most of Us to keep Ours, at first. You will outgrow the habit, as We did.] "But Riordan?" [I used the form that used to be mine,] He answered easily, and She nodded slowly. She tried to imagine having no body, no form, but found She could not. The idea filled Her with a curious sort of fear, like a blanket hanging over a darkened doorway. She could push past it, She knew, and what lay on the other side might be worth the trouble -- but She did not want to, yet; Her curiosity was not yet stronger than Her dread.
"Ailyn?" She queried on another occasion. [Yes, child?] "How come none of you use my name? All you ever call me is "child." " [You have not yet Accepted.] "Accepted?" [If you progress enough to come before the Council, you will be formally offered a place, a role. If you Accept, you will be Named -- the name of your choosing, which may or may not be the one you use now.] "And if I don't Accept? What if I don't progress enough?" Gaylen chuckled, soothing Her. [You will progress. You will Accept. There is time, child.] "But if I don't?" Thoval spoke gently, but firmly. [There is no point in deceiving her. She is only going to fret about it until We make it clear. Finish what You began, Ailyn.] Ailyn sighed then, but She also began to speak again. [Your predecessor was very old, older than any of Us, did you know that?] She nodded, "Yes. But what-- " [Hush, you will hear,] Ailyn interrupted. [He had created more than any of us, also, and occupied a great place because of that. There are Those in the Council who believe that you will never be able to take His place, that it should be given to someone else, or split among several others.] "But if They do that, what happens to me?" [You would be sent back into nothingness,] Ailyn said reluctantly. [Some say that since you were to be destroyed anyway, We should simply carry out His will, and carry on without you or Him.] Before She could protest, Thoval broke in gently. [We are not going to allow Them to do that. We are here now so that you will have a fair chance to prove your ability, child. And you are progressing. You will come before the Council. And you will Accept.]
She lay awake a long time that night, staring into the darkness and thinking.
"Thoval?" Light was just dawning, but His response was immediate, His "voice" warm in Her mind. [Yes, child.] "How much time do I have?" He sighed, but did not sidestep the question. [You have until the age of majority as your playmates reckon it, child. By your twentieth birthday, you will be ready to come before the Council. Or you will not.] She paused, then, counting in Her head. "How old am I now?" [Twelve. You have time yet.] She sighed. Suddenly, it did not seem like a lot of time. Thoval, catching that thought, chuckled softly. [And that is progress, too. It will be all right, child.] She nodded silently. It would. It had to be.
Her cries met with no response, and eventually She ceased to cry, and fell asleep, hiccuping with sobs. After a little while, She dreamed.
She woke to find that She was home, being held, and rocked, and soothed. Her mother smiled, and spoke to Her gently, and set Her down to play. As She played, the things that She imagined or remembered or half-remembered came into being around Her, and remained until She forgot about them, to be summoned up again when She brought them to mind. She grew, in the way of children, using the ability without understanding it. For awhile, it was enough for Her to know that if She imagined something new, it would appear, and if She wished something gone, She had only to imagine it so. She imagined playmates for Herself, like the children She had seen before things changed, and noted incuriously that they could not do what She did. After the first couple of times She pointed out the difference, She learned that it was better to not mention it. The only time She introduced the idea that She was responsible for Her friends being there, She got Her eye blacked and, incidentally, found out where Her friends thought babies came from. She grew, and learned, and when at last She began to ask questions Her mother could not answer, (the thought never once crossed Her mind that perhaps no-one existed who had the answers She was seeking,) They came to Her.
Ailyn came first, a gentle mindtouch that woke Her in the night. She came awake instantly, fighting back the panic that would always be Her first reaction. Staring into the darkness, She spoke aloud. "Who are you?" [I am Ailyn,] came the response. [I am as you are, in my space.] She almost choked. "I'm not alone?" The response was amused, faintly condescending. [Of course you are not.] She sighed deeply, immensely relieved, and after a brief silence, She began to ask the questions which had been on Her mind so much. Ailyn answered, and when there began to be questions She could not answer, Thoval came, and Riordan, and Bei, and Gaylen... and the questioning continued.
"What am I?" This She asked again and again, and none of Them failed to answer, but They responded with the evasions adults practise on children, and She knew that there had to be more, and that there was an answer They simply did not want to give. "Have there always been creatures such as us?" She asked that of Gaylen one morning after Their presence in Her mind had become an accustomed and ever-present reality. It chuckled. [For as long as there has been a reality.] "How long has that been?" She asked, Her curiosity piqued by the turn of phrase. Gaylen paused before answering, and when It responded again, even its low, grainy voice seemed throatier than was Gaylen's wont. [Can you imagine the dawn of time, child?] "I.. think so," came Her hesitant response. "I remember the darkness, when everything went away. Is it like that?" [Something like that,] came the reply. [Can you remember how long the darkness went on?] "Forever," She replied flatly. [That was a blink of an eye to us, and it will seem a blink of an eye to you, eventually. We have always been.] "But you won't exist forever?" [We will, unless something unprecedented happens, as with the One before you.] She was startled; this was the first time one of Them had mentioned Her predecessor freely. She pressed Her luck, testing. "Gaylen?" [Yes, child?] "Tell me about Him. What was He like?" Gaylen sighed. [He was old, older than any of us. We did not know Him well; He kept to Himself.] It was obvious that Gaylen did not feel comfortable discussing it, and so She allowed It to change the subject, chattering for awhile about the antics of one of Her playmates while Gaylen indulged Her.
But She did not forget, and on another day, She asked Riordan, "why can't you actually be here?" He snorted impolitely, and appeared at Her side for a second. [Do not confuse disinclination with inability,] He said quietly in Her mind. "Could I come to you, then?" She was intrigued. [You can. But We generally do not do so. If you become a part of the Council, you will find that you will not truly wish to leave your own space as often, either.] "Council?" [Yes, Council. Do not worry about that yet; you will find out soon enough.] He spoke determinedly, and She raised an eyebrow, but dropped the subject.
"Bei?" [Yes, child.] "What do you look like?" [I do not.] "What?" [I do not "look like" anything or anyone.] "How is that possible?" It was Ailyn who answered then. [None of Us actually have bodies or form as you know them, child. Not even you, though it seems to be comfortable for you to maintain that form, as it was comfortable for most of Us to keep Ours, at first. You will outgrow the habit, as We did.] "But Riordan?" [I used the form that used to be mine,] He answered easily, and She nodded slowly. She tried to imagine having no body, no form, but found She could not. The idea filled Her with a curious sort of fear, like a blanket hanging over a darkened doorway. She could push past it, She knew, and what lay on the other side might be worth the trouble -- but She did not want to, yet; Her curiosity was not yet stronger than Her dread.
"Ailyn?" She queried on another occasion. [Yes, child?] "How come none of you use my name? All you ever call me is "child." " [You have not yet Accepted.] "Accepted?" [If you progress enough to come before the Council, you will be formally offered a place, a role. If you Accept, you will be Named -- the name of your choosing, which may or may not be the one you use now.] "And if I don't Accept? What if I don't progress enough?" Gaylen chuckled, soothing Her. [You will progress. You will Accept. There is time, child.] "But if I don't?" Thoval spoke gently, but firmly. [There is no point in deceiving her. She is only going to fret about it until We make it clear. Finish what You began, Ailyn.] Ailyn sighed then, but She also began to speak again. [Your predecessor was very old, older than any of Us, did you know that?] She nodded, "Yes. But what-- " [Hush, you will hear,] Ailyn interrupted. [He had created more than any of us, also, and occupied a great place because of that. There are Those in the Council who believe that you will never be able to take His place, that it should be given to someone else, or split among several others.] "But if They do that, what happens to me?" [You would be sent back into nothingness,] Ailyn said reluctantly. [Some say that since you were to be destroyed anyway, We should simply carry out His will, and carry on without you or Him.] Before She could protest, Thoval broke in gently. [We are not going to allow Them to do that. We are here now so that you will have a fair chance to prove your ability, child. And you are progressing. You will come before the Council. And you will Accept.]
She lay awake a long time that night, staring into the darkness and thinking.
"Thoval?" Light was just dawning, but His response was immediate, His "voice" warm in Her mind. [Yes, child.] "How much time do I have?" He sighed, but did not sidestep the question. [You have until the age of majority as your playmates reckon it, child. By your twentieth birthday, you will be ready to come before the Council. Or you will not.] She paused, then, counting in Her head. "How old am I now?" [Twelve. You have time yet.] She sighed. Suddenly, it did not seem like a lot of time. Thoval, catching that thought, chuckled softly. [And that is progress, too. It will be all right, child.] She nodded silently. It would. It had to be.
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