what is there to say?

So much going on, inside and out, and not enough words in the world, in this language or any other I know, to say it. I'm not ignoring you all, I'm reading, I hear you. I just haven't found my way past this blockage to respond the way I want to or the way I should.

I'm fierce just lately. I'm upset without being distraught, I'm still burning with things I want to deliver straight into the minds and hearts of those who have the power to change things. But... who has the power to change things? We do, I've always thought. But right now I feel powerless, I feel small and overshadowed, and that's so at odds with my firmest beliefs that it's stifling and frightening. One of these feelings has to be wrong. Either I am not powerless, or one voice can't change the world. I know which I want to believe. I know which I have always believed, and which I want to see proof of. But where is my proof? Where do I look, just lately, to see that principle in action?

... but then, where should I be looking, if not inside me? be the change you want to see.

( I should pay more attention to lyrics. )

eep. echoed from shadur.

For today's Oh Shit installment:

Time just ran out.

Apache users who are still on 1.3.24 or lower:

UPGRADE. NOW, DAMMIT. NOW NOW NOW.

looking for the lever... thank you, wiredferret.

I believe in humanity. I believe in our potential, in our creativity, in the spark that makes us who and what we are.

I believe that the root of our problems is that we forget. We forget that there is no action in a void. That we cannot act, or fail to act, without repercussions. You judge your probable consequences. You assess the situation, take stock of your probable influence... and then you act, or you choose to act by not acting, hopefully by not acting because you've turned your attention to the things that you can influence, and influence positively.

Beyond that, we forget that we're made of the same stuff as everyone else. Some of us use what we have more effectively, some of us have better scope for showing it... but, rock-bottom, we're all the same. One. We hear the message so often, we've learned to ignore it. One world, until we figure out how to change that. And I hope that when we expand beyond this one, it will be a greater honour to return than to leave it. One race, one species, humanity. You cannot act on any one subset of the group and not affect the whole. You can't act or fail to act on any individual - including yourself - and not change the whole. And you can never know exactly how your action or inaction changes things, but you still bear the responsibility for the consequences.

I believe that most people, including our lawmakers, do mostly what they feel is right. I believe that they act, in a situation where staying true to one's ideals is hard and the repercussions of their actions are magnified greatly and always in front of them, and that there has to be some respect given simply because they dare to act. I wish that they believed as I do. That they remembered that you cannot act for one group, or against one group. That you have to act in the best interest of the whole. Not the whole state. Not the whole country, or the whole continent. Just the whole. But I understand that they don't, and I believe that it's a difficult thing to remember that when you're pressured on every side by groups clamouring for this change or that, because it benefits this group or that.

I wish we had more groups pressing for the change that benefits the whole. Even though the change that benefits the whole might not be what benefits the group in the short term. I wish I could take the world's population and randomise them. Keep the borders and the boundaries in place, but fix it so that every family unit is made up, all at once, of a random mixture of individuals of different cultures. How differently would we feel, how much would our worldview change, if we had to interact with each other on a daily basis? The Internet's the closest thing we have to that. Once I thought that it would mean that we'd abandon the belief that we're separate, that we're acting in isolation. But even here, it's so easy to close our eyes and close the borders. To group ourselves into "Us" and "Them."

What to do about it? Damned if I know. Here's what I'm doing, though. I'm believing, and I'm going to keep on believing. And if I talk about it every now and again, maybe someone else will believe in it, too. And - since we act out of what we believe - maybe that's all it takes.