what is there to say?

[kuangning]

So much going on, inside and out, and not enough words in the world, in this language or any other I know, to say it. I'm not ignoring you all, I'm reading, I hear you. I just haven't found my way past this blockage to respond the way I want to or the way I should.

I'm fierce just lately. I'm upset without being distraught, I'm still burning with things I want to deliver straight into the minds and hearts of those who have the power to change things. But... who has the power to change things? We do, I've always thought. But right now I feel powerless, I feel small and overshadowed, and that's so at odds with my firmest beliefs that it's stifling and frightening. One of these feelings has to be wrong. Either I am not powerless, or one voice can't change the world. I know which I want to believe. I know which I have always believed, and which I want to see proof of. But where is my proof? Where do I look, just lately, to see that principle in action?

... but then, where should I be looking, if not inside me? be the change you want to see.


Suddenly before my eyes
Hues of indigo arise
With them how my spirit sighs
Paint the sky with stars

Only night will ever know
Why the heavens never show
All the dreams there are to know
Paint the sky with stars

Who has paced the midnight sky?
So a spirit has to fly
As the heavens seem so far
Now who will paint the midnight star?
Night has brought to those who sleep
Only dreams they cannot keep
I have legends in the deep
Paint the sky with stars

Who has paced the midnight sky?
So a spirit has to fly
As the heavens seem so far
Now who will paint the midnight star?
Place a name upon the night
One to set your heart alight
And to make the darkness bright
Paint the sky with stars.

-- Enya, Paint the Sky with Stars.

... sometimes I wish someone would tell me how.

Comments

[wiredferret.livejournal.com]

You are not powerless, you are just looking for the place where your lever can move the world.

[kuangning]

Thank you, thank you, *thank you* for this comment. One little line that summed up everything I wanted to say and couldn't - and you've thrown the floodgates wide open again. How do you *do* that?!? *HUGS.*

[wiredferret.livejournal.com]

Erm... I don't know. You bring out my latent sage, perhaps.

[gurath.livejournal.com]

As I've said before, you're very poetic, and sometimes difficult for me to understand in LJ. Maybe what you're looking for is a translation into prose, which you can apply like an instruction manual? ...or am I being too much the ex-engineer?

I like poetry, but it's hard to live it. In life, I think it just sometimes happens that someone ends up living poetry. I don't think many start out that way, though.

[kuangning]

Something like that. I'm wondering, mostly, what I can do about any of this. What's a constructive response? What can I do that'll make a real difference?

The answer is, not much. I can point out what I see as wrong. I can say why I think it's wrong, and I can say what I hope for and what I believe. Maybe that in itself is enough.