(no subject)

[kuangning]

So, here's the thing.

There's a rift growing between a couple of people on my friends list. Frankly, I'm not at all conflicted about where my loyalties lie; I'm growing more and more irritated with the lack of concern one of them is showing for the other's obvious pain. Promises sidestepped, outright criticism for daring to feel pain, word games and mind games -- and, to boot, I'm really pretty damned tired of seeing someone else's comments in their LJ. I cut the person in question off awhile ago when it became plain they were dishonest and callous, and seeing their comments elicits a response of "god, why am I even bothering to read these lies anymore?"

So I've been considering dropping this person for quite some time. My problem is, the person in question hasn't given me any reason to dislike him. We're not close and never have been, but he was an interesting read. I'm not sure I'm justified in dropping him. (yes, I know, I don't really need justification for dropping someone, and if it wasn't personal I wouldn't think twice, but it is personal. There's no way around that.)

So... what do you lot think? What would you think if you were the person in question, and I dropped you for the above-stated reasons? And if you think it is you, would you even care?

[Edit]

Thanks, everyone. You know what I decided, no doubt -- you all made sense. And, really, I knew what I would hear from you (and what I wanted to hear from you) before I asked the question. He's been dropped. I'm still around, should he wish to discuss this with me, but I doubt that. Like I said, we were never close. And there's no reason he should cut off someone who obviously matters to him just so some woman will keep reading his LJ. There is also, however, no reason why I should keep experiencing aggravation and outright annoyance through reading his LJ and seeing that person's comments.

Comments

[mindrobber.livejournal.com]

This expression comes to mind:

"If a person is nice to you, but not nice to the waiter, then he (or she) is not a nice person."

It's not exactly the same situation, I admit, but that's my two cents. If they're being nasty with warrant to someone else, maybe they do not deserve your attention.

[thebahboo.livejournal.com]

"If a person is nice to you, but not nice to the waiter, then he (or she) is not a nice person."

Thank you!!! I have such a hard time getting this across to people that I am friends with. I used to be a waiter, and it makes me so mad when someone I am with is rude to server. I honestly feel like, if someone I am dining with is nasty to a server who was not really rude to them first, that it reflects on me. I have never heard someone else say it the way you did, I am going to remember that phrase.

[gurath.livejournal.com]

I agree! What a good expression! So true!

I knew a person 10 or 15 years ago who really needed to hear that..... thanks!

Re:

[mindrobber.livejournal.com]

I find that expression generally applies to my boss....

[hobbitblue.livejournal.com]

If someone on my friends list posts things I don't want to read, and their attitudes and comments make me uncomfortable, and make me dislike them, even if none of its directed at me, I would be very likely to drop them - I read lj for many reasons, getting upset and annoyed ain't one of them.

[serendipity.livejournal.com]

Yeah, what blue said!

(*waves fondly at hobbitblue*)

[hobbitblue.livejournal.com]

*waves back* hey there, how you doing? ;) *hugs*

Re:

[serendipity.livejournal.com]

The Kid and I are doing well, thanks! If your LJ isn't Friends Only, I'm gonna take me a peek. :)

[hardvice.livejournal.com]

Wow! Live Journal drama ... yikes! I didn't know this got this real :)

The way I see it, the only question you should even consider is: do you still want to read this person's journal and have it associated with you (however tangentally)?

If the answer to that is (as it appears) 'no', then you shouldn't worry what reason you have for dropping them--personal or not. The fact that by doing so you're also being loyal to the other friend is really just a side benefit.

However, if you do still enjoy reading this person's journal, maybe a better course of action is to let them know how you feel about the way they're acting towards your other friend. Is there the possibility that there's a misunderstanding between them, or that their personality comes off more abrasive in writing than it does normally (I suffer from that badly, as in person it's much more obvious that I'm merely being playfully sarcastic, while in print I sound like a bit of a tool at times.)

Of course, if the person in question really is that callous and underhanded, then chances are they probably won't care much what happens. I find from message boards and such that these folks tend to enjoy the sound of their own voices rattling around in cyberspace far more than they enjoy the actual interaction with other people, and that their 'friends' are really more of an audience for them anyway.

[kuangning]

Well, it isn't quite LJ drama. Much of it is being carried out IRL. But yeah.

[trippykel.livejournal.com]

I'd leave him up for the read until it got to me a lot, then drop it and just peek in every once in awhile.

[thebahboo.livejournal.com]

I am assuming it is NOT me, simply because we don't know anyone in common really, but since you asked for opinions based on what if I thought it WAS me, I would say this...
While we have never met in person, you have become important to me, and I enjoy us being connected if thru nothing other than our friends lists. If I was dropped I would wonder why and feel upset, at least a little.

As for what to do in this sitch, I have to be honest. You don't like the commments that someone else leaves on their page cause you know they are a liar and a creep. This person themself is causing drama with someone you do care about. I don't think people like that are worth your time.

You have the work decision to face, the struggle to work everything out with your family/kids, the problem of finding time to be creative while juggling work and your family's demands on you, etc.

I think you should remove the person, and not feel guilty about it. And I would hope, altho I will not promise-g-, that if it WAS me that go removed, even tho I had not given you a reason myself to remove me, that if you explained to me that you were not upset with me but that there was someone frequently guesting in my journal thru comments that you just had serious problems with...that I would be nice enough to understand that.

[kuangning]

Thanks, hon. *hugs.*

[voodoolimbo.livejournal.com]

Look at the drama that happened to me a few weeks ago.

To be honest, you can either take it personally or not.Said person may not know or even care if they do know that you plan or want to drop them. It is not even a decision you should agonize over because it will not even matter a year from now or even mere weeks.

If you truly think someone is not worthy of your time, sentiment and emotional attention, then remove them from your life and find better.

[kuangning]

*nods.* Your incident really was unpleasant. :P And I still don't understand why it became so. I imagine, though, that you're pretty glad it's over. *hugs.*

[kaolinfire.livejournal.com]

keeeeeeeeeeeeeel them. ;)

[jezredfern.livejournal.com]

If I read right, you already cut off the person making the comments, yes? And the person is making hir comments in another person's journal, right? If I were the other person (the one who's journal it is) I might be hurt, but I'd, of course, respect and understand that it's your journal. It's your friends' list, you decide who you want to read and why.

If it were me in your position (which I really don't know anything about beyond this post) I'd either drop or keep depending on the person's journal *themselves*, rather than what someone else comments in it. Does that make sense? The journal itself rather than the comments.

But if it's bothering you that much, go ahead and drop them and if you change your mind later, that's okay, too ;)

That's my vague two-cents ;)

-Jez

[queerbychoice.livejournal.com]

I would definitely drop this person. I only keep people on my friends list for the duration of time that I actually like them. If at any point I cease feeling like they're all-around thoroughly adorable people, then I think it's best for them as well as for me that I be honest about my loss of interest in them right away and not continue the association at the risk of misleading them into thinking I'm some sort of friend if I'm not at all.

[kuangning]

I want you to know that this was the most influential argument influencing my decision. I have been felling less and less friendly toward him by the day, and it really is not fair that he continue to consider me friendly toward him. This post went public for that reason; if he does even notice the change, he should be able to see why it was made. And until that point, my life goes on, a little brighter for having one less person to merely tolerate. Any warmth I once felt for him has been buried by disgust lately. Perhaps if we maintain some silence for awhile, that will change.

[mopalia.livejournal.com]

I've had the same conflice, maybe about the same person, for the same reason, I think. It's hard to drop someone I have known for years and enjoyed watching grow from a child to a young man, but I am having the same trouble with his journal as you are. Thanks for your thoughts on this, I think I'm going to have to do the same thing that you have done.

[mopalia.livejournal.com]

My, that was inarticulate and ill-spelled. Conflict. Just a measure of how conflicted I am about this.

Re:

[kuangning]

*wrysmile.* I understood. And, really, it's harder for you in a lot of ways, since you know him offline as well. Though, at least ceasing to read his journal doesn't mean severing all contact with him in your case.