filling in the gaps
Nov. 23rd, 2002 06:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kuangning"Thoval?" Light was just dawning, but His response was immediate, His "voice" warm in Her mind. [Yes, child.] "How much time do I have?" He sighed, but did not sidestep the question. [You have until the age of majority as your playmates reckon it, child. By your twentieth birthday, you will be ready to come before the Council. Or you will not.] She paused, then, counting in Her head. "How old am I now?" [Twelve. You have time yet.] She sighed. Suddenly, it did not seem like a lot of time. Thoval, catching that thought, chuckled softly. [And that is progress, too. It will be all right, child.] She nodded silently. It would. It had to be.
Her training began in earnest that day, and so did Her questioning. "Why you?" She wanted to know. [Why what?] That was Bei, insisting She make Herself clear. She paused, searching for the clearest, most accurate thought. "Why are you doing this, and not someone else? Were you selected, did you volunteer? Why would you undertake to train me?" [We were selected.] Her eyes clouded over then, Her expression growing guarded. [You do not yet understand the ways of the Council,] Riordan put in firmly. [No decision is reached without consensus. No decision is rushed, no decision is pushed through above the protests of many or without proper thought given to the well-being of the whole. The alternative to someone attempting to gauge your potential and help you develop it was allowing the Council to go short of one member indefinitely. It was decided that this was the lesser evil. Five of Us were sent -- two who championed you, two who opposed you, and one who was neutral, so that We could better represent the interests of the Council. Our reports are unbiased.] She considered that for a moment, Her eyes narrowed, and then asked, "Which of you hold which views?" Thoval said, [You are not allowed to know that, else We could not be sure that you would not attempt to sway us. Your progress alone has to speak for you.] She sat silently, trying to sort out how She felt about that. "How am I to trust any of you, knowing only two of you are really my friends and I can't know which two?" She finally said, Her voice very quiet. [Do not trust any of Us. Trust the consensus.] That was Riordan again, "sounding" patient and confident. [Only two are your friends, but by the same reckoning, only two are your enemies. There is balance. In that, you can safely trust.]
She was still hesitant, and after a moment, Gaylen spoke up. [Nothing has changed,] It said, [except that you now know exactly where you stand with Us. That is not a disadvantage, it is a great tool. Before, you were ignorant. Now you know that you do not know. That is a gift. Accept it as such.] She did not reply, but in another minute She went on with the questioning, and it was clear that the subject was closed. After that, however, She began to practise reserving a corner of Her thoughts into which they could not go, and after a few weeks, She had learned to maintain that silent corner even while She slept. They must have noticed both the efforts and the eventual success, but it was never mentioned to Her, and She, of course, did not feel the need to disclose it to them.
Her lessons continued, of course, and despite Her misgivings, She progressed. Much of what they had to teach Her was interesting to Her, and what was dull, She memorized, and found that that was sufficient. Her relationship with them never returned to what it had been; She was perpetually doubtful of their motives, and kept Her own counsel as a default action. But they were always civil, and eventually, She allowed Herself to acknowledge Her affection for them, and gratitude to Them. By the end of Her first year of training, an onlooker would not have been able to detect anything amiss in Her dealings with them.
The second year brought experiences almost as difficult. She had known for a long time that She was the Creatrix of her little world, Her playmates and the setting. She had not considered the scope of that discovery once they had come into Her life. They made Her do so, setting Her exercises in control and, sometimes, frustrating Her. And, sometimes, frustrating themselves.
[It must be viable!] Bei was insistent. [Everything you create, child, must fit into the larger framework well enough to sustain itself. Your predecessor often was away for long times, and you will sometimes need to be away, also. Therefore, whatever you bring into being must have its existence tied into something outside your presence, else it will not endure while you are gone.] "What larger framework?" She was close to tears of anger. "I don't understand! There isn't any larger framework!" They were taken aback at this. Thoval spoke next, His tone quiet and thoughtful. [Have you ever attempted to envision the whole of your creation, child?] "No. Why would I?" [Mm. Well, it may help you to understand what We are trying to teach you. Are you willing to try?] "Anything, if it means getting past this," was Her sullen response. His answering chuckle held a note She couldn't identify, but She quickly put that out of Her mind as She listened to his instructions, following them carefully.
She closed Her eyes, conscious only of Thoval's voice in Her mind, and everything fell away. When he gave the instructions to open them, She was in the Void, and he floated beside Her. She shivered; the Void had frightened Her from the first moment she was exposed to it, and She supected that it always would. She focussed on him instead, waiting for him to speak.
[This is the beginning,] he said. [This is the raw material and the environment with which We all work.] He held out his hand, and a swirling mass appeared in his palm briefly, awash with colours, and then was gone. [The Void is pure potential, nothing more.] She nodded slowly; that made sense to Her. He continued. [We Ourselves are born of the Void. We can manipulate it, use it, because We are only a step removed from it.] She thought about that for a moment. "Is that why my friends could not do what I could?" He laughed. [No, it is not the reason.] She blinked in surprise. [When you figure out the reason, you will have made real progress, and you will be almost ready to fill your place in the Council. For now, just remember what I have already told you.] She thought a moment longer, then filed the question away for later, and returned Her attention to him.
[Remember,] he said, [The Void is what we are made of. We exist apart from it -- or so We believe, for it is never absent from Us, or We from it -- because We, too, fit into a larger framework. Create a crystal.] One appeared, glittering, before them. [Larger,] Thoval instructed. [Much larger.] She complied. [Now, watch the facets,] he directed. [Imagine that the crystal itself is the framework. The facets are where you make your changes. Each facet must exist within the whole, and when the whole is sound, then each facet exists whether you watch it or not, remember it or not. You can envision a portion of this, but it will be a shattered, separated piece, with no connections to sustain it. And so it will collapse and cease to be real once you divert your energies elsewhere.] She made a small, inarticulate sound of understanding. Following the thread of thought, She speculated quietly, "and if I take care to visualise something's place in the framework before I put it there, that would solve the problem?" He grinned at Her then. [Well done, bright child.] She beamed, then wondered again whether She could trust the easy affection and pride in her that he and the others showed. The thought made the smile on her face fade more quickly than it might have. Ignoring the pang of loneliness that brought, She turned back to him before the smile faded completely.
Her training began in earnest that day, and so did Her questioning. "Why you?" She wanted to know. [Why what?] That was Bei, insisting She make Herself clear. She paused, searching for the clearest, most accurate thought. "Why are you doing this, and not someone else? Were you selected, did you volunteer? Why would you undertake to train me?" [We were selected.] Her eyes clouded over then, Her expression growing guarded. [You do not yet understand the ways of the Council,] Riordan put in firmly. [No decision is reached without consensus. No decision is rushed, no decision is pushed through above the protests of many or without proper thought given to the well-being of the whole. The alternative to someone attempting to gauge your potential and help you develop it was allowing the Council to go short of one member indefinitely. It was decided that this was the lesser evil. Five of Us were sent -- two who championed you, two who opposed you, and one who was neutral, so that We could better represent the interests of the Council. Our reports are unbiased.] She considered that for a moment, Her eyes narrowed, and then asked, "Which of you hold which views?" Thoval said, [You are not allowed to know that, else We could not be sure that you would not attempt to sway us. Your progress alone has to speak for you.] She sat silently, trying to sort out how She felt about that. "How am I to trust any of you, knowing only two of you are really my friends and I can't know which two?" She finally said, Her voice very quiet. [Do not trust any of Us. Trust the consensus.] That was Riordan again, "sounding" patient and confident. [Only two are your friends, but by the same reckoning, only two are your enemies. There is balance. In that, you can safely trust.]
She was still hesitant, and after a moment, Gaylen spoke up. [Nothing has changed,] It said, [except that you now know exactly where you stand with Us. That is not a disadvantage, it is a great tool. Before, you were ignorant. Now you know that you do not know. That is a gift. Accept it as such.] She did not reply, but in another minute She went on with the questioning, and it was clear that the subject was closed. After that, however, She began to practise reserving a corner of Her thoughts into which they could not go, and after a few weeks, She had learned to maintain that silent corner even while She slept. They must have noticed both the efforts and the eventual success, but it was never mentioned to Her, and She, of course, did not feel the need to disclose it to them.
Her lessons continued, of course, and despite Her misgivings, She progressed. Much of what they had to teach Her was interesting to Her, and what was dull, She memorized, and found that that was sufficient. Her relationship with them never returned to what it had been; She was perpetually doubtful of their motives, and kept Her own counsel as a default action. But they were always civil, and eventually, She allowed Herself to acknowledge Her affection for them, and gratitude to Them. By the end of Her first year of training, an onlooker would not have been able to detect anything amiss in Her dealings with them.
The second year brought experiences almost as difficult. She had known for a long time that She was the Creatrix of her little world, Her playmates and the setting. She had not considered the scope of that discovery once they had come into Her life. They made Her do so, setting Her exercises in control and, sometimes, frustrating Her. And, sometimes, frustrating themselves.
[It must be viable!] Bei was insistent. [Everything you create, child, must fit into the larger framework well enough to sustain itself. Your predecessor often was away for long times, and you will sometimes need to be away, also. Therefore, whatever you bring into being must have its existence tied into something outside your presence, else it will not endure while you are gone.] "What larger framework?" She was close to tears of anger. "I don't understand! There isn't any larger framework!" They were taken aback at this. Thoval spoke next, His tone quiet and thoughtful. [Have you ever attempted to envision the whole of your creation, child?] "No. Why would I?" [Mm. Well, it may help you to understand what We are trying to teach you. Are you willing to try?] "Anything, if it means getting past this," was Her sullen response. His answering chuckle held a note She couldn't identify, but She quickly put that out of Her mind as She listened to his instructions, following them carefully.
She closed Her eyes, conscious only of Thoval's voice in Her mind, and everything fell away. When he gave the instructions to open them, She was in the Void, and he floated beside Her. She shivered; the Void had frightened Her from the first moment she was exposed to it, and She supected that it always would. She focussed on him instead, waiting for him to speak.
[This is the beginning,] he said. [This is the raw material and the environment with which We all work.] He held out his hand, and a swirling mass appeared in his palm briefly, awash with colours, and then was gone. [The Void is pure potential, nothing more.] She nodded slowly; that made sense to Her. He continued. [We Ourselves are born of the Void. We can manipulate it, use it, because We are only a step removed from it.] She thought about that for a moment. "Is that why my friends could not do what I could?" He laughed. [No, it is not the reason.] She blinked in surprise. [When you figure out the reason, you will have made real progress, and you will be almost ready to fill your place in the Council. For now, just remember what I have already told you.] She thought a moment longer, then filed the question away for later, and returned Her attention to him.
[Remember,] he said, [The Void is what we are made of. We exist apart from it -- or so We believe, for it is never absent from Us, or We from it -- because We, too, fit into a larger framework. Create a crystal.] One appeared, glittering, before them. [Larger,] Thoval instructed. [Much larger.] She complied. [Now, watch the facets,] he directed. [Imagine that the crystal itself is the framework. The facets are where you make your changes. Each facet must exist within the whole, and when the whole is sound, then each facet exists whether you watch it or not, remember it or not. You can envision a portion of this, but it will be a shattered, separated piece, with no connections to sustain it. And so it will collapse and cease to be real once you divert your energies elsewhere.] She made a small, inarticulate sound of understanding. Following the thread of thought, She speculated quietly, "and if I take care to visualise something's place in the framework before I put it there, that would solve the problem?" He grinned at Her then. [Well done, bright child.] She beamed, then wondered again whether She could trust the easy affection and pride in her that he and the others showed. The thought made the smile on her face fade more quickly than it might have. Ignoring the pang of loneliness that brought, She turned back to him before the smile faded completely.
