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kuangningLyssa stared, her lips set in a grim line, as she listened. [It is time,] one said, not unkindly. [You have almost completed the life cycle you began. You have learned, and we have forborne, but it is time.] [Would you taste death?] another queried, a tinge of incredulity colouring the mental tone. [It will not be pleasant.]
At that, she laughed aloud, drawing disapproval from the gathering. [Young..] the word ran the circuit of the council in tones that varied only slightly in the degree of impatience and tolerance they conveyed. Unhappily, she noted that they were, if anything, more resolved - but then, so was she. [Child.] The mental voice was firm. [We have allowed much. You have been... interesting. Unique. But you are too entrenched; you have begun to think as a corporeal. It is time.] "And just what," she asked impatiently, "is wrong with thinking as a corporeal?" She knew immediately, despairingly, that that had been the wrong tactic. The minds around her hardened, clamping down on her almost tangibly.
[Enough.] Her heart sank, even as her defiance rose. "Enough, yes," she snapped. "Enough of this debate. I will do this - I am one of you, and none of you would think of restricting any other here in this manner." [None other would require it.] The response was sharp, implacable as the pressure on her mind. [You will comply.] "I will not." The mental pressure became more pronounced, as they abandoned argument entirely in favour of more strenuous persuasion. With bleak honesty, she acknowledged in the deepest corner of her mind that they would likely force her obedience, after all, but obstinacy coupled with the prospect of abandoning Kyle and Ellie to keep her resisting.
One by one, they turned their attention to bringing her into line. They did not intend to harm her, she knew, but she knew, too, that they would not see reshaping her completely as bringing her to harm. To them, bringing her to a state of being that matched their own was the ultimate goal; any other way was flawed. They were the embodiment, she thought bitterly, of justice unleavened by any vestige of softness. Everything she had learned, everything she had become, opposed the change, sent her fleeing into her own mind in search of a way - any way - to escape. When she found it, the enormity of it almost made her scream. She almost faded then, self-preservation warring with the knowledge of what survival would cost, and when she had made the only decision she could make, she stood trembling, not from their suddenly-irrelevant pressure, but from hopelessness and a sense of inevitability.
"Stop." The weary calm of her tone brought a murmur of surprise. The underlying sadness brought an easing of their force; perhaps they thought that she was ready to comply. "You will desist." She spoke aloud, softly, knowing they would hear, not caring that they would disapprove. "You will desist, and you will not attempt this again." [Comply and there will be no need for force.] It was a flat statement, one that brooked no contradiction. She shook her head, bone-weary, inwardly screaming at them for forcing her to do what she knew she would have to do. "I will do as I see fit." She surveyed them sadly, "tasting" each personality, writing them into her memory. The pressure redoubled then, too soon, a silent but eloquent response. Weeping openly now, she spoke aloud one more time; a single, flat command. [Cease.]
When she opened her eyes, she was alone in the void. Crying bitterly, she returned to her familiar home and the safety of her room, where she locked the door and remained for the next two days. After that, Ellie, wild with concern, finally forced her way in. All Lyssa would say was that she was once more alone, and this she repeated again and again. Eleri, of course, did not understand, but she remained with her sister until Kyle arrived to relieve her, sinking to a seat beside Lyssa and taking his wife in his arms. Even together, they did very little to assuage the emptiness which had permanently claimed a corner of Lyssa's heart, but, remembering that it was for them that she had fought, she let them gently bully her into eating and smiling. Gradually, she threw herself back into her routine as a way of forgetting, a way to keep herself from probing at the blank spaces where once those bonds had been.
At that, she laughed aloud, drawing disapproval from the gathering. [Young..] the word ran the circuit of the council in tones that varied only slightly in the degree of impatience and tolerance they conveyed. Unhappily, she noted that they were, if anything, more resolved - but then, so was she. [Child.] The mental voice was firm. [We have allowed much. You have been... interesting. Unique. But you are too entrenched; you have begun to think as a corporeal. It is time.] "And just what," she asked impatiently, "is wrong with thinking as a corporeal?" She knew immediately, despairingly, that that had been the wrong tactic. The minds around her hardened, clamping down on her almost tangibly.
[Enough.] Her heart sank, even as her defiance rose. "Enough, yes," she snapped. "Enough of this debate. I will do this - I am one of you, and none of you would think of restricting any other here in this manner." [None other would require it.] The response was sharp, implacable as the pressure on her mind. [You will comply.] "I will not." The mental pressure became more pronounced, as they abandoned argument entirely in favour of more strenuous persuasion. With bleak honesty, she acknowledged in the deepest corner of her mind that they would likely force her obedience, after all, but obstinacy coupled with the prospect of abandoning Kyle and Ellie to keep her resisting.
One by one, they turned their attention to bringing her into line. They did not intend to harm her, she knew, but she knew, too, that they would not see reshaping her completely as bringing her to harm. To them, bringing her to a state of being that matched their own was the ultimate goal; any other way was flawed. They were the embodiment, she thought bitterly, of justice unleavened by any vestige of softness. Everything she had learned, everything she had become, opposed the change, sent her fleeing into her own mind in search of a way - any way - to escape. When she found it, the enormity of it almost made her scream. She almost faded then, self-preservation warring with the knowledge of what survival would cost, and when she had made the only decision she could make, she stood trembling, not from their suddenly-irrelevant pressure, but from hopelessness and a sense of inevitability.
"Stop." The weary calm of her tone brought a murmur of surprise. The underlying sadness brought an easing of their force; perhaps they thought that she was ready to comply. "You will desist." She spoke aloud, softly, knowing they would hear, not caring that they would disapprove. "You will desist, and you will not attempt this again." [Comply and there will be no need for force.] It was a flat statement, one that brooked no contradiction. She shook her head, bone-weary, inwardly screaming at them for forcing her to do what she knew she would have to do. "I will do as I see fit." She surveyed them sadly, "tasting" each personality, writing them into her memory. The pressure redoubled then, too soon, a silent but eloquent response. Weeping openly now, she spoke aloud one more time; a single, flat command. [Cease.]
When she opened her eyes, she was alone in the void. Crying bitterly, she returned to her familiar home and the safety of her room, where she locked the door and remained for the next two days. After that, Ellie, wild with concern, finally forced her way in. All Lyssa would say was that she was once more alone, and this she repeated again and again. Eleri, of course, did not understand, but she remained with her sister until Kyle arrived to relieve her, sinking to a seat beside Lyssa and taking his wife in his arms. Even together, they did very little to assuage the emptiness which had permanently claimed a corner of Lyssa's heart, but, remembering that it was for them that she had fought, she let them gently bully her into eating and smiling. Gradually, she threw herself back into her routine as a way of forgetting, a way to keep herself from probing at the blank spaces where once those bonds had been.
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no subject
Date: 2002-02-21 02:09 pm (UTC)No crying at work.
no subject
Date: 2002-02-21 02:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-02-21 03:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-02-21 03:58 pm (UTC)Again, Wow...
Date: 2002-02-22 01:14 pm (UTC)I can't wait...
no subject
Date: 2002-02-23 10:25 am (UTC)