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Jan. 4th, 2002 03:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kuangningFor the record, I hate uncertainty. I would much prefer my life to march along the way I order it, include just the things I want in it, and even when it doesn't, I want above almost everything else to be sure. To know what I can expect, be it pain, pleasure, or a mixture.
But life doesn't work that way. And it seems that this is going to be the first major challenge of 2002... learning to respond to uncertainty in a more positive way. To respond with the right attitude. The instinct, you see, is to lash out at whatever it was that unbalanced me, including people who were only unlucky enough to be on the fringes of the matter. And then to avoid the issue until I'm sure of my footing again, or until I move on to another path where I'm sure, whichever escape seems most likely to ensure that I won't be thrown off-guard again.
The workaround for this, of course, is to do everything in my power to anticipate all the possibilities. To have thought of every single way the matter could possibly end, most especially the worst case scenarios. However... well, what do you do when the worst case scenario is a prolonged period of uncertainty? Too much invested, come too far, to walk away without a backward glance, without a real attempt at having it work out right. And not knowing how long it might take to make it work out right... so unable to judge whether letting go would be the wisest thing. Worse, not knowing if you'll ever be sure... how long to wait, not wanting to give up and then be left wondering if the solution would have come, had you only held on.
This needs to go on a back burner for awhile, I think, though it won't be forgotten; the issue is an irritant I can't seem to be rid of, since it's popped up in a few places just lately. (2002 may be a good year, but I don't think it's going to be an easy one. There's work to do yet, that's plain.)
But life doesn't work that way. And it seems that this is going to be the first major challenge of 2002... learning to respond to uncertainty in a more positive way. To respond with the right attitude. The instinct, you see, is to lash out at whatever it was that unbalanced me, including people who were only unlucky enough to be on the fringes of the matter. And then to avoid the issue until I'm sure of my footing again, or until I move on to another path where I'm sure, whichever escape seems most likely to ensure that I won't be thrown off-guard again.
The workaround for this, of course, is to do everything in my power to anticipate all the possibilities. To have thought of every single way the matter could possibly end, most especially the worst case scenarios. However... well, what do you do when the worst case scenario is a prolonged period of uncertainty? Too much invested, come too far, to walk away without a backward glance, without a real attempt at having it work out right. And not knowing how long it might take to make it work out right... so unable to judge whether letting go would be the wisest thing. Worse, not knowing if you'll ever be sure... how long to wait, not wanting to give up and then be left wondering if the solution would have come, had you only held on.
This needs to go on a back burner for awhile, I think, though it won't be forgotten; the issue is an irritant I can't seem to be rid of, since it's popped up in a few places just lately. (2002 may be a good year, but I don't think it's going to be an easy one. There's work to do yet, that's plain.)
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no subject
Date: 2002-01-04 01:25 pm (UTC)hrm.
Date: 2002-01-04 02:09 pm (UTC)Re: hrm.
Date: 2002-01-04 02:35 pm (UTC)