(no subject)

[kuangning]

So there's this boy. (No, it's not that kind of entry. Or maybe it is, I dunno. Wait and find out with me.) And really, he's not a boy anymore. I've been reading his journal, what, three years now? A few emails back and forth, a couple of text messages on a few days when I was bored sitting in empty buildings. Giving into a fascination.

He's living my life. And your life. We're being dependable, honoring commitments, taking care of business. Stuck. And this boy who isn't really a boy anymore goes to Hawaii on a promise and NY on a whim, no cares for where he's gonna land or who'll feed him. And someone always does. Other people like us, stuck and dreaming of getting our wings back.

He makes me grin. And cry, sometimes, and shake my head. He terrifies me with his recklessness and makes me worry for myself and the people close to him. And I wonder what his mother makes of him, this precocious assertive feckless human she gave birth to and tried to keep safe and somehow raised without ever breaking his spirit. Sometimes I think the world needs more like him. Those are the days when I want to take my life out of his hands and into my own and live my own fantasies. And then sometimes I think he can only exist the way he does because there are sensible dependable people like the rest of us who don't mind catching him and being his safety net because he's living our fantasies for us. That if we all took our fantasies back into our own hands, who would there be to catch us?

Then again, maybe that's just what I tell myself because I'm afraid. The most reckless thing I've ever done was getting on a Greyhound bound for Toledo.

Comments

[phlict.livejournal.com]

That reminds me a lot of my brother... He hasn't been able to stay put in one place for more than 6 months at a time for the last five years or so. When he was a junior in highschool, he went off to Argentina on an exchange program, and only came back because my parents threatened to cut off the money suppy if he didn't go back to school (he wasn't getting a whole lot of subsidy, but it was still there). So he came home and finished highschool, and earned a thousand bucks doing some carpentry sork for my parents and went back. Then he came home again when the money ran out, and earned another thousand bucks rebuilding our two showers, and went off to Spain, germany, eqypt... then he came home again then the money ran out. now he's living in Aspen as a liftee, and he's trying to get a job as a cook so he can earn enouh money to go back to argentina again.

I often feel envious of his adventurousness, and would really like to follow his example and go off traveling, but I also feel like I would want to be able stand on my own feet again when I got back. But then, I'm not living independantly now anyway, so I'm not in any position to question his lifestyle. And in anycase, he is living on his own now, although he's sort of borderline, and in any case what's wrong with getting suppport from one's parents? ...yeah, so I think I understand the feeling you are trying to express =)...

Re:

[kuangning]

*grins.* That's it exactly. We're the stay-at-home sons, watching the Prodigals. ;)

[fearghaill.livejournal.com]

I'm thoroughly unsure if I could do what he's doing or not. Part of me very much wants to. Part of me's content playing it safe.

I think, maybe even just once, the time will come for me to say screw it, kiss friends and family goodbye, and just *go* somewhere for a little while. It wouldn't be to get away from anything - it would be to get to something. Something new. Something different. The wanderlust can only be denied for so long.

Re:

[kuangning]

Yeah. :) Reading his journal just makes me want to pick up and go. :) *hugs.* How's life treating you?