(no subject)
Dec. 26th, 2002 12:00 amI love the last few days of the year. I can almost feel time rushing past, after Christmas. And I start taking notes, looking back, taking stock of what kind of year it's been -- and what kind of year is likely to be ahead.
Last year was a year of loss. All the gains couldn't make up for them -- every lesson had its price, and all the debts came due at once. And we paid them -- in tears, in blood, in terror, in hope. This year... this year we spent in recovery. This year, we recouped. The ground is still shifting. But we are on our feet. Next year, perhaps, we will rebuild.
More personally -- I don't know that I progressed much, this year. I ventured into no new territory, I didn't face anything I haven't faced before. I hope, though, that I did a better job of facing them. I believe that I'm stronger in myself for having lived through this year -- less fervent, perhaps, but more accepting.
I don't feel older. I'm about to enter my twenty-eighth year -- and I'm remembering that Kelly was twenty-eight when I met him -- just a year to go -- and I don't feel older at all. In fact, I have fewer worries (and more hope) now than the girl I was then. And more power over the situations I do worry about. I'm not the omnipotent ideal of adulthood she dreamed of, but all in all, not very much happens to me that I haven't allowed, anymore. I've waited a long time to be able to make that statement. :)
That said -- I don't think I've really figured out yet what I want my life to be and include. Not specifically. So, maybe that's my assignment for the next week. I fulfilled last year's agenda pretty well. Time to set my goals for the year ahead.
Last year was a year of loss. All the gains couldn't make up for them -- every lesson had its price, and all the debts came due at once. And we paid them -- in tears, in blood, in terror, in hope. This year... this year we spent in recovery. This year, we recouped. The ground is still shifting. But we are on our feet. Next year, perhaps, we will rebuild.
More personally -- I don't know that I progressed much, this year. I ventured into no new territory, I didn't face anything I haven't faced before. I hope, though, that I did a better job of facing them. I believe that I'm stronger in myself for having lived through this year -- less fervent, perhaps, but more accepting.
I don't feel older. I'm about to enter my twenty-eighth year -- and I'm remembering that Kelly was twenty-eight when I met him -- just a year to go -- and I don't feel older at all. In fact, I have fewer worries (and more hope) now than the girl I was then. And more power over the situations I do worry about. I'm not the omnipotent ideal of adulthood she dreamed of, but all in all, not very much happens to me that I haven't allowed, anymore. I've waited a long time to be able to make that statement. :)
That said -- I don't think I've really figured out yet what I want my life to be and include. Not specifically. So, maybe that's my assignment for the next week. I fulfilled last year's agenda pretty well. Time to set my goals for the year ahead.
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