Validation

I haven't gotten enough sleep. My head is spinning, and my fingertips are tingling/buzzing... but, for the first time in weeks, I feel completely, utterly good. All around me, it seems, things are getting better, for me, and for people who matter to me. Not in the physical surroundings, no.. the things we were up against are still there... but the way we see things, our ability to deal with it, has changed.

That, by itself, would be reason for me to smile. The thing that's stunned me is that I had a hand in this. Something I did made a difference. That sounds so conceited.. but I spend a great deal of time wondering why I'm still around, what's the point, when I can't seem to do anything that matters. Sometimes I feel powerless, helpless, like I'm standing behind some wall that lets me see the pain and feel for my friends, but not do anything that could change things.

Maybe as much because of this than anything else, the people who matter most to me are the people who do what I can't.. the people who change the people around them, who touch lives and hearts and make a definite difference. I envy them, cherish them, value them highly. And today and last night, I got to see the effects of a small investment of caring for one of these people spill over and replicate in a way that I couldn't have imagined. Why do I love you, Zib? Because you change the world. You and all the ta'veren around you. And if I never get another moment when I can see that I helped at all, I'll have this one to remember and never ask why I'm still here again.